Rats, Texting Grandmas, Extreme Haircuts and 5 page book reports

You know that commercial where the whole family is texting even the grandmother and we all laughed thinking who does that. ITS MY MOM! SHE IS THE GRANDMA THEY ARE REFERRING TOO! My daughter has my phone texting away. I ask the question that I already know the answer to but like to hear my self talk. So who you texting one of your friends? Nope. Had to do a double take cause old age is kicking in. So I had to ask for clarification. So you would be texting who. The reply I got was Gosh Mom you are so nosey its just Grandma. So if I didn't have to worry enough. I have a very social daughter that has a million friends she could text but chose grandma. I have a mom who knows how to text. GOSH!
The other daughter comes home and says can I bring home the class pet for the weekend. She asks while I am cooking, helping with homework and trying to hear Dr. Phil tell me how to get excited about my life. So I was like uhhh okay. Friday rolls around she gets in the van carrying a rat! Yep we were the home of a rat for the weekend. I must say that several threats came out of my mouth on the way home. Like YOU BETTER NOT OPEN THAT CAGE. YOU BETTER NOT EVEN THINK OF OPENING THAT CAGE. DON'T EVEN TOUCH THE CAGE.
I also gave out free hair cuts at my house last night. Sorry for the lack of invite. It was fun. Hair flying everywhere! My oldest asked to have his side burns trimmed. I granted that wish and then some. He got up with no side burns. I didn't get a tip or even a thanks mom. This is what I got. OH MY GOSH I LOOK LIKE I BELONG ON THE MOVIE BENCH WARMERS. So he wouldn't feel alone I put the youngest up in the chair who is crying real tears no mommy no please don't make me look like that. My intent was just to trim his but got carried away and he is sporting a nice new shaved look today. I tried to be positive and told him he looked like an army man now (which should have made him happy since he likes to pistol whip everyone) that didn't work what I got from him was MOM DADDY IS GOING TO KILL YOU. He insisted that I send his daddy a picture on his cell that way when he saw him the shock was warn off.
As for the other child who is in 5th grade. I told him to do his book report since it was due tomorrow. His reply was I don't know how to do a book report so I am just gonna wait. I said you are in the 5th grade and don't know what a book report is. He says nope I really don't. I said okay I will tell you so that you can sit down and do one for tomorrow. A book report is where you get out 5 pieces of notebook paper and write about the book. It is very important that you fill all 5 pages back and front and write small. It wasn't long before he remembered what a book report was and that the teacher told him to write only one page. This coming from the same child who said why can't you be like all the other mom's and just sign that I did my homework. Cause all the other mom's aint as mean as me. I have to work hard to be like this so get used to it.

We did NOT drop off the face of the earth close but didn't happen yet

Okay so what has been happening you ask? I'd like to say nothing. I mean NOTHING. You know eating chocolate, watching tv, underpaying the maid and spending money like no one's business. YEAH well take the total opposite of that and yep that is what I have been doing. Except for the maid thang. I am the maid and I am underpaid and over worked. We realized that we couldn't make it back in the day. My husband and I went to work over at our friend Jodi's house. Jodi is remodeling and they don't have their central air hooked up yet. It was hotter than you know where. How oh how did people live back then. After we got home and cooled off my husband went to the computer to do his homework to find out that the Internet is messed up. Again what did we do before Internet. We had to go to the library in an over crowded room and get his homework turned in. Only to go home to balance the check book to realize how can we print off our statement if we can't get online. So we called tech support at verizon after spending HOURS AND HOURS trying to convince a computer that we would really like to talk to a human we finally get someone with a pulse that says it will be 10 days before we can fix that. UHHHH are you going to lessen the bill. No sir........EEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRR C YAH BYE! What better way to unwind than to rent a movie off of Dish. Well HECK! Can't order it online so again call support at DISH. This is the actual conversation I am serious
Lady: How much do you want to pay today
Me: I am fine how are you
Lady: Clearly thinking oh great one of them
Me: I would like to pay nothing as my bill isn't even due yet
Lady: Well what can I do for you
Me: I would like to order Are We Done Yet
Lady: Who stars in that
Me: The guy that was in Are We There Yet
Lady: It would help if you could tell me who stars in it
Me: I really don't know his name
Lady: What is the event number
Me: OKAY its not an event I would like to order the movie ARE WE DONE YET
Lady: Event Number please
Me: Where is that located
Lady: I don't know but I have to have it
Me: DEEP BREATH
Lady: How did you hear about this movie
Me: Well it was funny we were flipping through the guide on our dish and it said on channel 502 Are We Done Yet starts at 9:30 my family thought that sounded funny how about renting it. Well our Internet is down so we thought it would be just as easy to call support clearly that is not the case so could you do me a huge favor and get the supervisor
Lady: I can't find that movie and I am the supervisor I think you are lieing to me
Me: LAUGHING Yep I have 5 kids but would rather call you to aggravate than to laugh at the 5 little comedians I have running around here

5 minutes later. Got dial up Internet. Felt like old school. Went online to dish website ordered Are We Done yet and went to bed!

So as you can see falling off the face of the earth would have been a better option than dealing with tech support!

Captain Moron and His Peeps!

Well, the five year old is having a birthday tomorrow and his exact words were " I can't wait until my birthday I have been five for two years!" I know the feeling I have been eighteen for ten years! He has spent his birthday week with his blankey tied around his neck like a cape going around the house saving the puppy from anyone they may want to hold it. His words each and every time being, " Captain Moron to the rescue" "Don't worry puppy I will save you"
The other kids have decided that playing cream the guy with the ball is way better than any video game they have. Because smearing someone guts all over the ground is much more addicting in real life. Well, better go clean up captain moron's mess and scrape up the guts left from cream the guy with the ball.

Shout Out To My Peeps At Drake!

After reading my comments from my last post it seems that my ex co workers are stalking me through blog. They have the hardest job EVER! They work at a call center and support a tax program. They just get a few seconds between calls during tax season! I thought I'd try the job despite the fact the only thing I hate worse than the phone is taxes! After shedding a few too many tears I decided to go back to my old job with my tail between my legs and beg for my job back. I got it. I do miss my co workers from Drake and would have stayed if they had agreed to give me a cubicle with no phone. Anyways I made three good friends out of the whole mess. Skeener who is the only person I know that leaves work and literally parties until time to go back into work by the time the buzz wears off he is headed to another party. The thing that I like about him is not the fragrance of alcohol. He has a big heart and is a lot of fun to talk too. Which leads me to Steph. She used to be a cheerleader. I used to think of cheerleaders as people who lived in those worlds where everything is daisies and fairies. NOT STEPH! Sister keeps it real and will break bad at any given moment. Which is what I like about her there is no blowing smoke. Finally, there is Jodi who I worked with for about 6 years she was the whole reason that I went to the call center.This is the discussion that took place

Jodi: Mel you gotta come work here it is the greatest job ever

Mel: I don't know anything about taxes

Jodi: Then your perfect for the job they don't want you to know about taxes

Mel: Well if your sure

Jodi: I am sure

SEVERAL WEEKS LATER

Mel: I can do this

MEL, Skeener, Jodi, Steph: hee heee heee lets make bets on who will quit first

A COUPLE OF MONTHS LATER

MEL: HAHAHAHAHA I took more calls than you HAHAHAHA even though I had to have lots of help. I WILL BE TOP CALL TAKER!!!!! HEEEE HEEEE HEEE EAT MY DUST!

SEVERAL MONTHS LATER

Mel:whine whine whine does the phone ever stop ringing

Jodi: Don't worry about it TAKE IT ONE CALL AT A TIME

Mel: heart racing whine whine I really can't do this

Skeener: no you really can't hahahahaha but its funny to watch

Jodi: you can do this

Steph: It will be a lot easier after your first tax season

Mel: Snotting and crying (decided the only way I would stay is if they gave me the job of driving the trolly. A job that was brought up in team since parking was such an issue.

Needless to say the trolly job never came up and I went out!

Anyway if I could take my peeps from the call center and the job I have now and stir them up then I'd have it made!

It's NOT Moday Already!

Geez I keep thinking it is Monday! Which means I am going to be messed up all week. I tried soemthing new yesterday and am anxious to see how well it works. I cooked up enough meals for this week so that when I get home all I have to do is warm it up! I am soooooooo excited this should save me an hour each night. So I could hmmmm lets see do homework with the kids, do homework for the kids ooooh I got it I can have the trampoline all to myself while the kids are doing homework. No seriosuly I am looking forward to having more time with the little rascals this week. It'll be fun! My mom likes to keep it simple I often read her blog about homesteading and wish I could do that. I am doing good to keep my head above water. Although I hope to share in that dream some day. Hope everyone enjoys there TUESDAY!

And Then There Was One ........(plus an extra)

What do you do when you have 5 kids and everyone has plans to be gone except one? You do the logical thing invite another one over. HAHAHA. Funniest thing happened well funny to everyone BUT ME! This morning my sister ( who is an angel when it comes to taking a few kids off of my hands) called and said can I keep two kids tonight. Without any hesitation what so ever I said yes as long as you want. Then the others made plans. WHEW looking like me and the hubby are gonna get some quality alone time (you know the kind I am talking about going out for an over priced meal then coming home to watch a movie with lots of violence and cussing since the kids aren't home) Well before my happy dance was complete. One child changed his mind and decided to not only stay home but bring his cousin over to. Oh, well. The thought of kidless was nice while it lasted! So we went to Berger King and rented the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movie. YIPEEE! Oh well better go things are quiet upstairs and when things are quiet bad things are happening!